Identity…

Jesus, You are my Joy – You are my Peace…
You are the One who brings sweet release.

You are the calm in the eye of the storm…
Your hands are those that keep me safe from harm.

When I want to run, I want to hide,
You are the One in whom I can confide.

You ever remind me that I must seek Your face;
…that in Your arms is the best hiding place.

It’s in those arms that I find healing.
They’re where I find comfort when I’m broken and reeling…

…when it seems like I’ve lost all feeling – all meaning…

…when I’m not gleaning
from those I should,
even though I could

…if I wanted to.

But those times when my soul is blue,
when I don’t know what I thought I knew,

I need to be renewed,
I need Your Spiritual food.

Set me free,
Open my eyes to see,
Cause me to be who You’ve called me to be.

God, it’s in You alone I find my identity.

Because of you…

Because of you,

I’m seeing things,

myself…

relationships…

differently than before.

Because of you,

I’m being exposed to more of myself than I would’ve like to have been,
but it is necessary for me to see, so I can learn, grow and move forward.

Because of you,

I’ve had more highs and lows than the oceans tide in a fortnight,
but I wouldn’t change it, because I am learning.

Because of you,

I’m writing again…

Because of you,

I’ve been compelled to seek our Maker more fervently
and discover who I am as an individual,
apart from any other relationship in my life.

Because of you,

I’m rediscovering the True Source of Joy ~
The Everlasting Source of Joy,
and am reminded that though people can help you to be happy for moments,
they can never keep you happy.

Only ONE is capable and worthy of that role.

Because of you,

because of your friendship,

I’ll never be the same,

and I’m forever thankful.

Because of you

I am becoming more of me.

Thank you.

My Only Constant One…

Can’t sleep… too much weighing on my heart, my mind.

But I can’t hold on, I know I must leave it all behind -

let go and embrace the One who longs for me to desire Him above all else
or else the things that plague my heart will spread from my heart to my head,

the place of dread,
the place of the dead,
the place where only lonely hearts are led -

to be fed by emotions,
love potions,
their own reckless notions,
and unfruitful motions.

Take my heart in Your hands,
for Your plans -
let me be led by Your commands,
heed Your demands,
and take a Stand for what is right this night,
this is my plight,
that You would be my guiding Light
to help me fight
when I have no sight of what is right or real -

help me deal.

help me feel

You -

my only Constant One.

“Help me find my own flame…”

“I don’t wanna ride on somebody else’s passion.

I don’t wanna find that I am just dry bones.

I wanna burn with unquenchable fire,

…deep down inside,

…see it coming Alive.

          

Help me find my own flame.

Help me find my own fire.

I want the real thing.

I want Your burning desire.

Do what only YOU can do in my heart tonight.

There’s NO better time… “

Jesus, help me to seek Your face first, above ALL others and above ALL else.  Remind me that as I seek You FIRST, You’ll take care of the rest.  (Matthew 6:33)  Remind me that it was You who started this amazing work in me, and You who loved me FIRST, and You are faithful to bring to completion what You begin.  (Philippians 1:6, 1 John 4:19)

Seriously… It’s December??

Oh Brother!!  Has it really been since May that I’ve blogged!?  What happened to me this summer?  I barely remember it, and now it’s snowing.

I guess I just wanted to update really fast to say that I am still alive (for anyone who may read this or randomly stop on by).

There are a lot of things going on in my life and through my mind currently.

It IS snowing outside, like I said, and I LOVE that.

There is, overall, too much to talk about in one sitting.  So, *hello!* to you all and I hope to be back very soon!

Love,
Kirsten

What do YOU want to do this summer?

Hello readers… (well, I know there are at least two of you)

Within the year I have thought a lot about different lists of things I’d like to do in my life and have even been challenged to dream about things I could do if I had no obstacles (including the excuses and limitations I place upon myself) and money was no option.  One of my friends has even placed a few lists on her blog, one is 30 things she’d like to do before she’s 30.  I’ve kind of started a list like that, but it’s in pieces here & there… somewhere in my jungle of a room.

Even having mentioned my room, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about little steps I can take to get to where I want to be, lately.  (Because you can’t just literally walk across the street to get to Spain if you live in Indiana.  You must take a series of steps to get there.  A good first step would be getting a passport!  )  So, I thought, “Why not do a blog on the things I’d like to accomplish this summer?!” What can it hurt, right?

Well, here are a few things I’d like to do this summer.  They are in no specific order, but merely randomly typed as they come out of my random mind. 

*clean, reorganize & rearrange my room
*sort through my cd collection.  sell some, give away others, upload the rest to my computer!
*help dad finish my bookcases (so I don’t have my thousand books lying around everywhere, homeless)
*alphabetize my book collection (If the library can do it, why can’t I?)
*lose 10 lbs
*get a bike
*read a book a month
*spend more time outside (well… at least open my windows & shades more often)
*push mow the lawn
*visit Decatur at least once (it’s where my grandparents live… and it’s 3 hours away…)
*spend some time at my mom & step-dad’s place (come on… they have 13 acres and the stars shine brightly at night!)
*spend some time collaging, or working on some artwork
*blog at least once a week
*turn 26 and not get freaked out that I’m one year closer to 30 (My birthday is June 25th)

Ok, now that you’ve seen some of the things I’d like to do this summer, I want to know What do YOU want to do this summer?

Please feel free to leave me a comment and let me know some things you want to do.  Maybe it’s traveling.  Maybe it’s skydiving.  Maybe it’s facing a fear.  Maybe it’s something I have on my list.  Who knows?!

I don’t care if you post 5 or 50, I’d just like to see if anyone else has ambitions for this summer.  I’ll probably post some more, so please, don’t let me be the only one that comments on my own blog! 

until next time,
-kmj

AAaaaahh! It’s been over a month!!!

Help!  I haven’t blogged in over a month!

This past month I guess you could say I was busy, but preoccupied would suit it better.  Some would say these are the same word, or synonyms even.  In this case I’d say they are a bit different, at least how I think anyway.  For me, busy would be always doing something or going somewhere – always having something to do.  Preoccupied is best defined by dictionary.com: completely engrossed in thought; absorbed; previously occupied; taken; filled.  So, in this respect, my thoughts were preoccupied with schoolwork, and if I was doing something else I thought, “Huh… I should be doing schoolwork!” I guess as I think about it, though, I was pretty busy as well, with work and house-sitting and driving to and from everywhere…

I’ve found my thoughts many times drifting to the idea that I really needed to get blogging again, and here I am, some 40 days later finally posting.  Maybe I’ll take time later to talk about all the other things that have been going on in my life like:
-my step-dad’s surgery
-the amazing class I took last month, entitled Visioneering (we read the Andy Stanley book by the same title… which is amazing, you should pick it up.  Well, you should not only pick it up, but you should read it.  It will rock your socks!)
-what I took away from my class
-the fact that I made an amazing carrot cake on Easter that I was going to blog about a million years ago…
-oh, and there are a lot of little things like the amazing assortment of Asians that I’ve been hanging out with lately.  Maybe it’s really not that big of a deal, but growing up in a rural white area didn’t leave me much exposed to the Nations.  I love being in the midst of them… even if they’re just as white as I am… ;-p

Anywho… I did it!  I’ve successfully blogged again.  I feel great!  Now to go do some homework and then out to dinner with who?  You guessed it… some Asians & my friend Kelly, who is just as blonde-haired, blue-eyed & white as I am.  (I think the both of us are honorary Asians, though… ;-p …maybe?)

until next time,
-kmj

A blog about blogging…

So tonight I watched the movie “Julie & Julia.”  Not really a big deal for most.  (“So what?  She watched a movie.”  Right?)  Well, first of all, I wouldn’t have even watched the movie if I didn’t remember how much my friend/mentor Christy said she loved it.  (Or was it that she really wanted to see it?  Oh, well… details, right? )

Anyway, the movie was based (halfway) around Julie’s blogs about her adventures of cooking with Julia, more or less.  But the thing about it, is that it was not just some movie.  It was based off of two true stories -  that of Julia Child and that of Julie Powell, who was inspired by Julia Child.  She (Julie) committed herself to a goal, and with that goal (of making Julia’s 524 recipes from her cookbook in 365 days [for those of you who were bad at school, that's one year]) she blogged through it all.

I would say that, yes, it would probably be easier to blog more often if I had something that I was steadily doing, and to mark my progress with that thing, nonetheless, I will blog on, with all the randomness that is Kirsten.

I suppose the point of this post is that I was inspired, for lack of a better word, by this story.  It was not only by the fact that she was able to compose her thoughts freely, but that she learned something in this year from her diligence.  She learned something from her dedication.  She learned something from her devotion.  She learned something from her discipline.  She learned things about herself.  She learned things about her life.  In this process, she learned.

All that to say… a couple things I was reminded of tonight.  1) I really do love to write.  I love putting words together and making them sound wonderful.  (Maybe I blogged that before, but it is worth saying again.)  The fact that I love writing, though, has really nothing to do with me, or anything I did.  That love was something my Creator wrote on my heart before I was born.    2) I also really enjoy cooking.  Though I don’t make time for it these days, I really do look forward to opening up a cookbook and making something beautiful of a few ingredients put together.  In fact, as I’m writing I glanced over and happened to gaze upon the “Better Homes & Gardens” cookbook my dad bought for me probably 10 years ago, or so.  It’s way past time I cracked that baby open. 

I know that all of life is a process.  I know that through life’s experiences I will learn.  I’m sure I’ll share about some of those experiences here with you all, whoever you may be.  (Or is it whomever? hmm…)  Well, regardless of which word I use there, I will continue to write.  I’m really excited to continue this journey. 

-kj

Spring Break…

So, this week is my spring break from school.  I’ve got a lot of things on my list of things I’d like to accomplish this week.

-clean & rearrange room (can I have a crew come help me?)
-hang out with some people I’ve been meaning to for months, but have had no time to.
-go to Fresh Fire Friday without feeling there’s something else I should be doing… like homework.

Well, those are a couple things anyway – one of them being gargantuan.  I’ll update at the end of the week and let you know how everything went.  Maybe I’ll even be a little crazy and update in the middle of the week… or is that just too crazy?  haha  (I just reminded myself of Pastor Dick… tehehe, that makes me laugh.)

Anywho, have a great week!

my silly dad…

Over the last few years, my relationship with my dad has grown.  Part of that has been from our mutual love for Cubs baseball.  Part of it has been from our mutual silliness and ability to be goofy around each other without fear.  When I’m around my dad, I can be as silly or weird as I want to be and I don’t have to worry whether or not he’s going to look at me funny.  Why?  Because he’s just the same way… I undoubtedly got some of my craziness from the Johnson side of the family! 

Because of this love of silliness, there are a plethora of things we do to scare each other, make each other laugh, or give each other a jolt.  (By the way… it’s a LOT of fun!  )  Once I ran out to pick up some subs from Lincoln’s for our dinner.  Before I left I’d already gotten myself a glass of ice water & put a straw in it.  When I got home I sat down to eat and then took a drink of water… well I attempted to anyway.  I thought maybe there was a hole in the straw or something… NOPE!  He taped the end of the straw so I couldn’t drink it!!!  haha!  That’s just one of the many things that happens between us…

Sometimes we hide behind corners to try to scare each other.  Sometimes we make silly faces at each other.  There’s also this random monkey picture my dad picked up at some hotel.  We take turns putting it in random places to see who will find it.  Once I had to fax some medical papers for my dad when he was out of town.  So I taped the monkey picture to the last page & faxed it too.  haha… we got a good laughed & he was quite surprised.

Speaking of surprised… Tonight I went to grab a few nilla wafers (which we have another mutual appreciation for).  I opened up the box and squeaked!!  Dad’s an amateur magician, so he has some random props.  One of them is a rubber hand.  He’s gotten me a few times with putting ‘the hand’ in random places for me to find.  So tonight I opened the box and the hand, being rubber & all, kind of sprung up at me.  I literally squeaked… and then I laughed.  My step-mom asked my dad what the sound was right before I went to find him to tell him I found his surprise.  Of course he already knew and was laughing.

Well… that’s a snippet of the fun I have with my dad.  Until next time…

…keep laughing!

-kj